Pastor Nehemiah Phiri

If you’re still trying to please and get the approval of someone who is always looking for your faults, aren’t you aiding them to bring your down further? When you go out of your way to pour into someone who can capitalise on your mistakes for days on end, what are you hoping for? But how did you become this way? By having parents or a partner who was impossible to please. As a result, you had to work extra to win their affection, and you always fell short. Unaware that this was distorting to your psyche, you never sought to correct it. You just ventured into life, and you’ve always ended up with people who are abandoning and distant. You believe you have a problem because they always make you feel so, and so you’re always trying to correct something about yourself. After you’ve done your best, they’re still not happy with you, and you’re crushed further. This cycle trying and failing and crushing before trying again has kept you on a defeated loop. The way out is to win your own approval first. To learn that you’re good and enough as you are. Anyone who thinks you’re defective is the one who is wrong. The parents or partners who made you feel insufficient in the past were the ones broken, not you. They merely projected their self hate onto you. Once you awaken to your innate worth and accept yourself fully, those who treat you otherwise will not only stop being attractive, but they’ll become very repulsive. Remember; you always date on the level of your self-love and wakefulness. Your attraction to people resonates only with those who see you as you see yourself. If you feel like trash or a treasure, you’ll only fall for those who see you the same way. The locus is inside. It’s time to fix it there.

If you had a broken hand and all you did was sit around and take time, you’d move from having an injury to having a disability. Why? Because the broken hand would heal while twisted. The pain would ease, but you’d never function normally again. Sometimes, you have to do more than just follow good teachers. You really have to pay good doctors. A nutritionist will help you with foods that strengthen your bones, but you’ll need a surgeon before that. How can you tell when your injury is that deep? Simple: when symptoms persist. When time goes on but you don’t get better. You still hate women or men in general. You’re unable to trust, and you’re becoming paranoid. Or you keep falling for the wrong people and having brief episodes of messy behaviour and realising yourself when you’ve gone too far already. As if your soul is having withdrawal seizures from time to time. These are signs that you may not be bleeding, but something is twisted. A trauma sits inside of you, not yet unpacked. An injustice or violation that robbed you of your identity remains unaddressed. A betrayal that took away years of your life sits in your life, and nobody seems to care. This is where you need psychological surgery. Do not sit on things that keep you broken. You deserve to live and enjoy your life.

You’re never defeated because you didn’t win. You’re defeated because you stopped trying, you stopped believing, and you stopped dreaming. Even champions lose some games and still take home the trophy. Victors also have bad days and still end up with a winning season. The reason is that when they were knocked down, the jumped back up. Before you’re crowned a winner in life, you must pass the test of moving from losses and still keep on believing and trying. Weak people can not shake off the bad feeling of a loss or a disappointment. They have too much ego invested in the outcome. Strong people, on the other hand, can shake away the mood of defeat and drag themselves away into other ventures. If you can will yourself into trying other things after a setback, you have mastered a critical skill in life. Success is delightful while loss is depressing. But an even-tempered fighter doesn’t dwell on any. They acknowledge the outcome for what it is, toss a drink or note the lesson, and move to the next thing. They don’t get stuck either in prolonged celebrations or pity parties. By the law of averaves alone, they can win just because they tried many times. Change course and adjust your methods as many times as you need, but never stop striving and trying. If the goals are worthwhile, the victory will soothe all your struggles.

If you continue making someone your first option when they’re keeping you as their last option, you’re facilitating your own disappointment. It’s okay to fight for your love, but it’s wrong to fight for someone. Fighting for your love means being together with your partner against the challenges of life. Things like financial challenges, envious onlookers, and betrayal from friends. But lowering yourself to pour into someone who is not sure about you is not fighting for love but rather fighting for another riveting heartbreak. Whenever you find yourself falling deeper for people who are lukewarm and staccato towards you, it’s a sign that you’re loving from a wounded place. You have been conditioned to earn love from indifferent caregivers by over-giving and over-investing. You’re disconnected from yourself because no one built yourself self-esteem and the capacity to love yourself. You should stop trying to earn love because you’ll continue to attract predators and instead start going after your wholeness. When you heal and reconnect with your core, you will love from a healthy place where only reciprocal love moves you. It will be liberating to finally connect with those who stay and invest, not those who string along only to exploit.

Of late i have learnt that there are people who are afraid to heal because they don’t know another life except the pain, rejection, poverty and abuse they have gone through, and when they’re not in the victim position and explaining their pain they have nothing else in their life to talk about. Their whole identity is in the abuse, trauma, rejection and poverty. From the time Mephibosheth was dropped and hurt in the chaos of war he never outgrew it and even as a grown man he was still referring to himself as useless, a ‘dead dog.’ What happened to you may have been unfortunate and the faults of others, but as long as you’re alive you must reinvent yourself. Mephibosheth was crippled from the accident, but he could have learnt an instrument or become a polished administrator of the King’s Palace. He had favor with the king since he was the son of the king’s best friend, but he never made use of the favor. Do not spend your life engulfed in what happened to you. Drag yourself out of it and build another life. You are not what you have been through, you are not what welcomed you at birth, you are not the example of poverty you where subjected to, you are not bruised and broken as your heart may have been through rather you are a force of change, you are you find you identity and create your own worth. What you have been through instead should boost your need for a better tomorrow. #zhombebeholdyourson #IStandWithTheTruth

Most people like you for their own gain. And among those who like you, few can be called quality people, the kind of people you can count on. Quality people are always few in any population because majority of people don’t like doing the things that would mature them to high value people. Things like subjecting their mind to the gym of thinking regularly; facing challenges head on and applying themselves to difficult decisions without flinching; acquiring information and assimilating it into their behaviour. Most people would rather die than think. And they generally avoid thinking until they die. They instead imitate what’s popular and comfort themselves that other people must have done the thinking. Evaluating options and making a choice in the midst of risk of failure is not easy. Yet this is the exercise that grows you into a better person. So then majority of the population are conformists and imitators. Which means that if you’re looking for quality people you’re already left with minority. Then among the quality people single people will be fewer. Then among the single you pick out those of the opposite sex, and those who like you. Then among those who like you, you pick those who like you for you. Those who want to spend their life next to yours. At this point it’s probably just one person at a time. If you understand this you appreciate the difficulty of marrying right and why so many give up and marry wrong. Most importantly, you will develop a different appreciation for the good person in your life who chose to do life with you. In summary, it’s good to like yourself but keep in mind that not many people like you, and those who suit you are even fewer. You must possess an unwavering appreciation for the special people who, being persons of high caliber themselves, chose to invest everything with you. If you assume them and lose them you may never manage to replace them. #zhombebeholdyourson #IStandWithTheTruth

Learn to characterise people by their actions, and you will never be fooled by their words. With words, people can tell you what you want to hear, but their actions always show you what you need to see. As to whether you will heed the message of their actions, it’s a question of your inner misalignment with truth. Truth is generally not hard to see but hard to accept. If you desperately wanted the person to be the one because you’re tired of searching and so on, that internal bias will set you at loggerheads with truth. You will fill gaps and ignore warning signs. But if you refuse to give in to impatience and instead accept truth early so that you can invest your time elsewhere, you will see the person’s incongruency between their actions and their words and protect yourself. To be forewarned is to be forearmed, but you must heed the warning instead of arguing with it.

They say it like it’s an accusation. Like healing is a betrayal. Like growth is a crime. But here’s what I’ve learned: The loudest protests often come from those still trapped in the cages you’ve escaped. 💔 🧵👇 Your evolution threatens their comfortable chaos. Your boundaries disrupt their familiar patterns. Your self-love challenges their self-doubt. But darling, You weren’t born to stay small to keep others comfortable. The butterfly doesn’t ask permission to break free. The seed doesn’t apologize for becoming a flower. The dawn doesn’t dim its light for those who prefer darkness. 🌖 So keep rising. Keep healing. Keep choosing yourself. Your transformation isn’t up for debate. It’s not a committee decision. It’s not a democracy. It’s your birthright. ✨

🥹 Do not peg your recovery on the fact that someone will regret what they did to you. 🥹 Some people do not regret it because they do not reflect. They never look back at their actions, and they never admit what they did wrong. 😑 Their punishment is that they are who they are. You will heal, but they will remain the same. You’ll move on, but they’ll remain stuck. The only change will come when they reach the end of the road. 🤷🏿‍♂️ When the consequences of their bad choices catch up with them. They may reform, or they may just disappear. ⚰️ Some people would rather die than learn. You can’t hold your life waiting for a person of that kind to regret. 👌🏿 You owe it to yourself to open a new chapter and write a new story that they’re not a part of. You owe it to yourself to move so far away with your life that their evil deeds become something of the past. 😅This comeback is personal. You deserve to have the final say in the script of your life.

🥹 Do not peg your recovery on the fact that someone will regret what they did to you. 🥹 Some people do not regret it because they do not reflect. They never look back at their actions, and they never admit what they did wrong. 😑 Their punishment is that they are who they are. You will heal, but they will remain the same. You’ll move on, but they’ll remain stuck. The only change will come when they reach the end of the road. 🤷🏿‍♂️ When the consequences of their bad choices catch up with them. They may reform, or they may just disappear. ⚰️ Some people would rather die than learn. You can’t hold your l…